Embarrassed, me not this table! (and other stories of renewing one's visa in China)

My current visa expires in 5 weeks and I need to get it renewed. But first I had to get the Temporary resident registration form. I should have done it when I first moved into my apartment 3 weeks ago, but it was no big deal. My real estate agent, Jane, went to the Public Security Bureau (China's rather cryptic name for the Police) with me yesterday, and after waiting in line for a while, the police lady (who Jane knows on a personal basis because she does this for all her clients) gave me exactly what I needed.

Now, to get the visa renewed is a bit of a hassle. Shanghai apparently isn't renewing visas right now because they're tightening security in the lead-up to the World Expo. But my school will help me send my passport to Beijing and get the visa there. It will cost $250, which is twice as much as I paid at the Chinese consulate in San Francisco. Kind of surprised by that, but not much I can do. Important thing is, I'm taking care of this early, and I should get my renewal without a problem.

That's a far cry from the idiot whose blog I'm about to quote. The guy is an English teacher in China and his blog is the #3 result when you Google "renew visa in china" (I'm not going to link to it here because I don't want to further contribute to Google's directing people to his blog). He begins by saying "it is my fault" but then devolves into a tirade about why it is in fact the fault of all those unhelpful, neglectful, majiang-playing Chinese people. What an idiot. He waits until 3 days before his visa expires and then expects bureaucrats to wait on him hand and foot? I guarantee if foreigners in the United States tried the same thing, they would face a similar impasse. This is a perfect example of the kind of offensive, self-entitled, tactless expat mindset that I despise. Notice how quickly he segues from his immediate visa problem to what he sees as the wider problem of Chinese culture itself.

It is my fault. I shouldn’t have waited until three days before my visa expires to look into renewing it. I just never thought the process would be so difficult. Dealing with government officials in China is enough to want to make me pound my head against a slab of concrete for an hour. I walked into a local police station this afternoon with the intent of renewing my visa, which in my situation, I should be able to do quite easily. These people almost completely ignored me and when I finally squeezed out of them that I was in the wrong police station, they refused to give me any information about where I needed to go. There is such a disconnect in China as well as a lack of concern amongst government officials towards foreigners and Chinese people alike. If it’s not specifically their problem, they could care less what happens to you. It is also difficult to deal with these people considering that they don’t answer their phones half of the time mainly because they are either on break (11-3 in some places that I have been) or playing Majiang with their fellow officers.

But enough of that. I've got some funny translations coming your way.

Before Jane agreed to help me, I texted my landlord about the issue. Here's what she texted back:

不好意思， 我这边没有这张表哦！关于这个可能你得询问下专理该项的相关政府机构

Here's what Google Translator makes of it:

I am sorry, I did not in this form here, Oh! About this you probably have asked specifically under the rationale that the relevant government agencies.

Here is MDBG Dictionary's (significantly more amusig) translation:

Embarrassed, me not this table! About this possibility you must under the inquiry be supposed specially the item of related government apparatus.

Now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that these online Chinese-English translators often produce such humurous results because most of these words just don't have perfect one-to-one translations. The meaning is totally context-specific, and even the good folks at Google have yet to produce a translator intelligent enough to fully understand context and shape its results appropriately.

Now here's MY translation:

Sorry, I don't have a copy of this form you want. Regarding your best course of action, you might want to inquire with someone in a position of knowledge or authority in the government.